Diary, even though my mom missed my dad...
Never thought that I'd be back here dating someone new again.
...she and Sam had hit a sort of milestone.
I'm saying I love you.
Well, I'm saying I love you too.
Bobby's friendship with Liam was becoming pretty emotional.
At least for Bobby.
- Do you wanna talk about it? - I'm good for now.
Well, if you ever wanna, I'm here.
And in this jungle of middle school, two things were for sure.
I had Sasha...
The mall is having a poetry contest.
You should enter.
Maybe I will enter.
...and of course, my crush, Joey Feldstein.
Your love has been fated since, like, kindergarten.
Guys, the big middle school dance is in just a couple days.
Who's everyone taking? Don't tell me.
But if you want to, tell me.
Joey Feldstein. An Adonis among us.
- I've loved him since forever. - Shh.
Hey, which two make purple?
Red and blue.
Sasha, I love him.
Maybe one day, he'll ask me to a dance.
And our relationship has only grown stronger over time.
Hey, who was the third president?
Thomas Jefferson. Did you know he went to college at 16?
Sasha, Jessie, I still love him.
Maybe in two years he'll ask me to the middle school dance.
Diary, two weeks ago, I thought our time had finally come.
Hey, I have a question for you.
This was it. He was gonna ask me to the dance.
Of course, Joey. Anything.
"A farmer has twelve bushels of wheat.
A neighboring farmer has ten bushels but borrows 66% of his neighbor's wheat.
How many bushels does the first farmer have now?"
Four bushels of wheat.
Cool, thanks.
There's still time.
It feels like just yesterday there were 274 days till the dance.
But yeah, totally. Still time.
Yo, you taking anyone to the dance?
Nah, it would be cool to take, like, an eighth grade girl.
Dude, that's the dream.
Sorry, girl.
You wanna take my good eraser? You can have it for the day.
Thank you. That helps.
- Camila, guess what? - You're finally getting highlights?
No. Wait, what? No. Do I need highlights?
No, Cami, for the past three years,
every day my first waking thought has been,
"I miss my dead husband."
And today, I kept thinking how happy I am with Sam.
You're into your boyfriend. That makes sense.
You guys are, like, hetero goals.
Aw, thank you.
And you know what?
I think I'm finally ready to give away the last of Robert's stuff.
I've kept all the things with meaning.
His old journals, Elena has his books, Bobby has his racket.
It's time to get rid of that final box of junk.
Gab, that is amazing. But if I'm being honest, finally.
Where does it all go?
Hopefully my backhand.
I need to fuel up for the Jupiter Series Cup.
Bobby's going to Jupiter today
to represent Orange Bay Middle in a tennis tournament.
Don't forget Camila's picking you up.
Yeah. Only two players were chosen to go,
- and it's me and Liam. - Mm.
Pretty big deal. We get to miss school.
Jupiter, cool. Hope you don't space out.
No, I can do better. Wait...
Elena, I resewed that button on your dress for the dance this weekend.
Your serves are gonna be outta this world.
Hold on. No.
Well, Mami, you can take all the buttons back off.
Doesn't even matter since Joey Feldstein's never gonna ask me.
God, you're still into that guy?
It's been my destiny since kindergarten.
I always imagined we'd go to our first dance together and slow dance,
maybe fast dance and perhaps even share a beverage.
Oh, this is too lame.
Or, you know, Mija, you could ask Joey to the dance yourself.
Doesn't matter. Joey has a type.
And I'm not that type unless I stop time for two years,
grow, and then start time again.
He likes eighth grade girls.
Hey, just saying, your mom said she'd never date someone
who lived off the turnpike, and here we are.
Either way, you're gonna have fun at the dance, with or without a boy.
I hope Bobby brings his tennis rocket.
Hey, Bobby. I got there.
Here you go.
Elena...
remember when I entered the mall poetry contest?
Of course.
It took you hours to find something that rhymes with "escalator."
- See ya later. - See ya later.
Well, I'm a finalist.
Oh, my goddess.
If you win, don't you get, like, a billion dollars in Glades Gold?
Well, 50, but the check is really big.
So, today after school, me and the other finalists
will read our poems in front of the store managers.
And I got you VIP seating.
Today? Amazing. I can't wait.
I'm pretty nervous, though.
I'm not good at talking in front of people like you are.
Oh, I'll help you practice.
By the time you recite your poem at the mall,
you'll be a regular Maya Angelou.
Or a Mall-a Angelou.
Oh, God, I'm becoming Sam.
Well, thanks, Elena.
Joey, nice one.
You okay?
Yeah, I'm just, kinda over all this hype about the dance.
So, what's everyone's look for the dance tomorrow?
I got this strappy dress from Zoey & Till,
and I'm throwing a cardigan over it.
But when I get to the dance, I'm taking the cardigan off.
There you go.
Of course, today would be the day you bust your racket.
- Yeah. - Come on. The tournament's starting.
Just grab one and let's go.
I think I can still use mine, right?
Dude, come on. Not the time.
What? Did you see those kids from Eagle Trace?
Kinda crazy. They both have full beards.
- But we'll crush them in doubles. - Oh, yeah.
Ooh, here.
- Yeah, works for me. - All right.
Come on. It's about to start.
What? No, no, no.
Maybe it's stuck.
Why does this keep happening to us?
Come on! No service.
I did not train for months to get locked in a stupid storage room
during the Jupiter Series Cup.
Do you know how many carbs I ate?
It sounds like everyone's already on the court.
No one can hear us.
Sorry, man.
No, no. We're not giving up. We're getting outta here.
Hello!
Okay, everybody.
Today we're talking about the evolution of humans,
or as I like to call us, "destroyers of the earth."
Now, the concept of evolution was brought to us by Charles Darwin.
Maybe you've heard of Darwinism?
He wrote a book called On the Origin of Species.
And also, we happen to share the same birthday.
Write it down.
Of course, Joey wanted to go to the dance with an eighth grade girl.
They had everything. The eighth grade tables.
Quotes under their yearbook photos.
They were the picture of maturity.
Evolution occurs because of a process called natural selection.
All right, animals acquire certain characteristics of their competition
in order to secure their place in a deteriorating ecosystem.
Hmm. Acquire the characteristics of my competition.
...plastic water bottles and just throw them in the trash.
Just... just threw them in the trash.
Or the recycle bin.
'Sup.
Did you hear that?
That was the most romantic thing I've ever seen.
Maybe Darwin was onto something.
When I acquired the walk of my competition,
it yielded a "Sup" from Joey.
Diary, I had some evolving to do.
So, you're just going to magically become an eighth grade girl
before the end of the day,
and that's what makes Joey ask you to the dance?
- Not magic. Science. - Oh.
I'm adapting to my environment. I will be a natural selection.
Okay, well, good luck.
Oh, do you wanna meet in the bathroom during lunch
to help me with my poem?
Maybe the acoustics will help me with my confidence.
Totally. I'll meet you there.
I just have to do a little field research first.
Okay. Oh, hallway B.
Hey there, buddy.
Oh, thank you for your donation.
Oh, Miss, do you want this back?
Can't really do anything with it.
- Oh. Must've missed it. Thank you. - Mm.
Hello!
Yeah, they're probably moving on to round three by now.
Man, this is so stupid.
We're supposed to be moving on to round three.
- Hey, look, man, I get it. - Really?
Because while you're housing protein bars, I'm the only one yelling.
Hey, I've only had four.
And if they haven't heard us by now, they're not gonna hear us till it's over.
I don't know why you're so chill.
I mean, clearly you don't care about the tournament.
What? I mean, come on. It's just a game.
Hey, think I can knock that bottle over?
I don't know. Maybe.
No, come on. Yes or no?
I mean, if you hit it at an angle you might have a shot.
Okay. Five points if I get it.
Yes! Okay, I'm gonna reset. Your turn.
Unless, you can't hit it.
Okay.
I love the mall and this is why
Without the mall, I would surely die
Elena, where are you?
In order for my evolution to yield the results I had hoped for,
I had to observe the eighth grade girls in the wild.
And, thanks to an agreement with Flip and the Audubon Society,
I had the perfect tools to do it.
Cool it, Flip. You'll scare off the eighth grade girls.
The subjects swing the lanyards with high intensity.
This behavior appears to be a symptom of severe boredom.
The subjects seem to have a uniform:
shoes to add height, shirts revealing epidermis,
and a glittery sheen.
The exterior of the subject is clearly not dictated by practicality.
I felt, like, so kiwi about that pre-algebra quiz.
I'm sure you totally kiwi-ed it.
Aw, kiwi.
Give 'em back. I just saw a yellow-billed cuckoo.
It was clear that I had much to learn if I wanted to be kiwi,
or if I wanted to kiwi.
Still investigating the proper usage of this word.
Has anyone seen my lanyard?
No, kiwi.
Maybe check the lost and found.
Ugh, everyone's gross stuff is in there.
The lost and found.
Thanks, Flip. By the way, there's a bufflehead flying north.
This time of year?
Without the mall, I'd surely die
A slow and painful dea...
- Oh... hi. - Hi.
Are you talking to yourself?
- No. - Then what are you doing?
You'll probably think this is stupid,
but I'm a finalist in the mall poetry contest.
That's not stupid. I love the mall.
Melissa and I go almost every day.
Or used to, before she, like, became one of the Brits.
She's not even British or named Brittany.
I heard they let her in because her middle name was almost Britta
before her mom decided on Joanne.
How is that a qualification?
But whatever. I don't care.
Oh, my God. Is that Strawnana?
Yeah. Didn't you used to eat tubes of this in third grade?
It's basically a Popsicle.
Here. You can borrow it for your mall thing.
To wear.
Thanks, Jessie. Oh, I know... I mean...
No problem.
Hey, Sam.
Where'd you go? Joey got tamales for everyone.
You gotta get here before it's just the vegan ones left.
I, um... I had a quick errand to run, but I'm on my way back to the office now.
You know what? I'm gonna save you a tamale.
I don't care what Craig says. I'm taking four.
Gabi, you there?
Can I call you right back?
- Sure. Love you. - Yeah, I love you too.
Uh... all the stuff that I just gave you, I need it all back.
Sorry. It's already been dumped.
Well, the only way to get anything back would be if you...
...did that.
Normally, I avoid the lost and found like the plague
growing in it from Dino Stananopolis's six-week-old gym sock.
But not today.
Today, I dove right in
and found a treasure trove of evolutionary advantages.
Diary, the school day was over, and my transformation was complete.
I had become a girl who looks like she's in eighth grade.
And once Joey saw me, he would definitely ask me to the dance.
Diary, it was time.
- Strawberry? Yeah? Thanks. - Thanks.
- Are you okay? - Totally kiwi.
That's not how you use that word.
Is that my lanyard?
And now, our third and final contestant, Sasha Castillo.
Um... hi.
Um... uh... I'm Sasha and...
and this is a poem entitled, Mall, My Life.
I love the mall and this is why
Without the mall, I'd surely die
A slow and painful death for sure
Without the mall, my life's a blur
I feel so alive on the escalator
As I go up, I say, "First floor, see you later"
Thanks. I'm Elena.
I know. You tried to pour OJ on Frank Galanari. I'm Stacy.
Eighth grader Stacy Marie Jones. I know.
So, why'd you take my lanyard?
Well... I like this guy.
Like, really like this guy.
And he really likes eighth grade girls,
so I thought that if I looked and acted like an eighth grade girl,
he'd ask me to the dance.
It was rooted in science.
I get it.
- I was like you once. - You were?
I wanted to dress just like an eighth grade girl.
And then you became one.
No. I realized that the eighth grade boys like the ninth grade girls,
so I started dressing up like a ninth grade girl.
- We all do it. - Oh.
Yeah, um, and if the body glitter gives you a rash,
you just add more to cover it up.
Diary, this seems more like entropy than evolution.
If sixth graders are trying to be eighth graders
who are trying to be ninth graders, when would it end?
If everyone wants to become a different species,
I might as well just be myself.
Thanks for the ice.
I think I'm just gonna ask Joey to the dance,
as a sixth grader.
Oh, God.
Hey, that's game. Five points.
What, no. You didn't do the ninja roll.
That was only a round seven rule. This was round eight.
Fine, fine. You won, dude. Here's the trophy you came here to win.
It's the best I could do.
Thanks, man.
Hey, look, I know it's not the real thing, but...
No, no, I...
I thought today would suck, but it was surprisingly pretty chill.
Right? Yeah, Bottleball can pass the time for hours.
My brothers and I came up with it.
Huh. I... I didn't know you had brothers.
Yeah. Uh, they're older and kinda...
a lot to handle,
so my parents sent me down here to live with my grandma.
Oh. Man, I'm sorry that...
Yeah, um...
I actually didn't even want to come to Miami when I first moved here.
What do you think about it now?
It's surprisingly chill.
That's good 'cause it's chill having you here.
There you are. I've been looking all over for you.
Yeah, we... we got stuck in here and missed the tournament.
Really? That's a bummer.
- Yeah. - Eagle Trace won, by the way.
- Oh. - Did you know those kids have full beards?
This was it. I was going in.
Just me, sixth grader Elena putting it all on the line.
"Feast or famine," as Darwin would probably say.
Hi, Joey. May I please buy one mechanical pencil?
Sure. You want a point five lead or a point seven?
Point five. You know Mrs. Wexler.
Yeah. She's a real hard-ass about pencils.
Well, uniformity's practical.
Uh...
I also had a question.
I was just wondering, if you weren't taking anyone to the dance,
maybe we could go together.
Oh. Ryan's dad is driving a group of guys, but I'll see you there?
Oh. Okay. Cool. See you there.
Well... bye, Joey.
He'll see me there. He'll see me there.
Did you want your point five?
It's time for another round of Answerama.
So, you missed the entire Jupiter tournament?
That is extra terr-errible.
...the nineteens?
Okay, that was not great. I admit it.
Oh, I'm so sorry, Bobby. I know you were excited.
Eh.
Today actually wasn't too bad.
Moving on to...
Which poet knows why the caged bird sings?
Maya Angelou.
Oh, my God. Sasha!
What was that about?
Who knows? It's something new every day.
Well, I am glad to be here for all the things.
Yeah.
Hey. What's up?
Uh-huh, uh-huh. Tricked ya. Sasha's not here right now.
Leave a message.
Hey. Sash.
I am so sorry I forgot to come to your poetry reading,
and that I forgot to help you practice today.
I just got so wrapped up in trying to be something I'm not.
My plan didn't go exactly how I expected, but I learned something new about myself.
I can't wait to tell you all about everything.
We can talk about it when you come over tomorrow
to get ready for the dance.
It's gonna be so kiwi.
Or will we be kiwi-ing?
Still trying to figure this word out.
Anyway, love you Sasha.